The 5 month mark

Talon turned 5 months old on Monday, the day before I started my last year of undergraduate school. Needless to say, it was both warming and breaking of the heart for the same reason; he's growing.

He has about 2mm worth of teeth and can only sit up if you brace him but he is getting so big. Because of this, there was cause for concern recently when he began to not sleep through the night. Many helpful individuals thought it would be a delicious idea for him to cry it out.

Let me back this up by saying that Talon and are are uber connected. I laugh, he laughs. I cry, he cries. He doesn't sleep, neither do I. So the idea of him laying there crying didn't appeal to me but after three nights of 2 hours of sleep and a full day of school leering at me, I decided to try it.

It is in my hope that I am never such a dumbass again. He cried for about 5 minutes until he started literally loosing it. Gasping for breath and crying even harder. I was a complete selfish idiot for doing it. Talon is 20 weeks old in this world. I'm 23 years and I barely sleep straight through the night without a pee and a poke waking me up, why should I expect him?

I have new sleep tenets. I am old enough to know that my son is not old enough to manipulate me in the way that adults do. I also know my boy well enough to know, "Mamai I need you right f-ing now!" and "Mamaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.....I miss you." The cries during the night were simply, "Mamai, I miss you and need you right f-ing now" So I planned the fifth night perfectly. I would sleep for 2 hours and then be up with him, not playing, but just hold him. He slept through thte night. I had missed my chance for redemption. Talon may not remember it, but I will.

Lesson: Always listen, even more so when the person speaking cannot use the words.

A Change In The Wind

No one ever told me being a mom was easy...

And dammit I wish they would have.

No hold up, I know it's not like making cookies easy or walking easy but it's really not as hard as people make it out to be. It's trying, it's painful and sometimes it's damn exhausting but it is not hard. It's rewarding and refreshing to mold a beautiful sponge (aka baby).

Hard would be if I didn't have Chads support, if we didn't have insurance to get to the doctors for all of our worries, if Talon had a horrible problem (or develops one later). But as of right now, I'm the luckiest diva of them all.

I must admit, using the term diva is a self programmed way not to call myself a bitch. And I have always been a bitch , and self-absorbed, spoiled, "If my ship is sinking, consider it abandoned", first class priorty mail flate rate bitch. My heart never grew, not really. It prioritized. One friend took the place of another friend because I loved myself so much, I didn't believe my heart had room to stretch.

Then Talon came along,

my heart streched around the Earth. That one feeling is the amazing feeling. To literally feel your heart not expand, nor swell. Not to get caught in your throat like it did when you had that first kiss with the lover you are with. But to literally grow ala Grinch style. I can only imagine what having the next three kids we are planning on will be like, and how much more heart my body can contain.

Sweet Dreams
-Jamie

The 18 Week Old Stats

Height: 24 5/8" (40%)

Weight: 13lbs 10oz (30%)

Head Circumfrence: 15 3/4"  (8%)

Hooray big boy!

The 4 month well check

Obviously for me, I have the idea of daily and monthly switched when it comes to posting, but I digress.

Today was the 4 month well check as well as the second day that I went to the Doctors in one week. The last appointment was due to these strange bumps growing at the back of his head. This simple new mom concern exploded into the idea that he wasn't gaining enough weight, that his head was too small, my breast milk wasn't good enough and of course, I need to get him circumcised and use cloth diapers, (I use what is left of my disposible diapers when we are traveling).

All in all, this appointment managed to piss me off and completely make me loose all faith in my pediatrician but

Here is where the plot thickens!

I was ACTUALLY seeing a nurse practitioner who the office makes you see every other visit because my doctor is just too busy. A normal and standard procedure in terms of busy city life and babies that she failed to mention! She was fine letting me believe that she was also a pediatrician.  So I reschedule for an actual appointment with the DOCTOR. You know, the one in debt up to his arse who has a Phd. 

Reassurance is given

: 

My baby, while fussy and on a very strange schedule. Is better than normal, he has no weight problem but is perfect. He is like a baby from an earlier era because although he follows the curve at 30% below average, he is steady growing. He height is more than his weight, which is what he wants to see. His head, while small, is growing just fine. Actually, we are were given the go ahead to start food because he has been teething, which is wonderful because he has been looking at out food and being hungry after boob for a while now. Oh yes, and then the gave him his shots and he did as well as can be expected having 4 needles jabbed into your chubby thighs.

So basically I learned that I should only see doctors less I want to get pissed off.

Oh yeah, and in the office, Talon made friends with another baby and it was amazing. I have the ability to talk to random mom's and make friends. ^_^ Hooray!

The First Day of the Rest of my Blog Life

I made this blog so I can document the trials of being a first time mom. I promised myself I would write in it everyday when Talon went down.... And that brings us up to date as of two days ago.

It just figures that when I decide to do a blog, Chad and I have a row. He graciously took the baby and let me sleep in. Fast forward 5 hours after he has gotten a nap in and I took over teething/screaming Talon duty and you have Chad on the computer bouncing Tally on his knee and me making sandwhiches for lunch. Enter Talon screaming from stage Left.

All I said was, "Do you want me to bounce him in the kitchen?"
...*ATOM BOMB EXPLOSION*
Chad: "I can fucking bounce him honey, goddammit."

Me: *cry tears in his sandwhich, after I gave him the last two slices and I took the butts because he had to go to work in 30 minutes*

His apology is then somethig like he feels I was undermineing him because he was already bouncing him and that I was already doing enough also that I was insuinuating that he wasn't doing his job as a papa.

Pissed me off!

We strive for equal parenting, really, we do. So how do I explain the mom superpowers? I can hear him breathe and sigh, (not including the 10 times I run into the room only to have him soundly asleepy, I'm counting the 1 time when he is stirring). That I have diaper-ray vision and can change a diaper faster than a speeding bullet, but not miss his speeding bullets. Hey, he is son of super parents.

How do I explain to Chad that he is dead wrong in this argument and I don't deserve an apology but groveling. I understand that he is tired, but if this is what happens for fucks sakes, you sleep in and I'll take the baby from now on. At least I'm only a mindless zombie on 4 hours of sleep, not an asshole.